hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
