Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
