I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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