i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You took a bar mat shot.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
