OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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