I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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