so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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