fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
