Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
