Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
