You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
