Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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