Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
