I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
