He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
