when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
