I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
