Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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