she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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