What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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