Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
