dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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