You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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