i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
