the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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