Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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