I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
