...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
