Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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