btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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