Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
