OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
