Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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