my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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