so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
