Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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