I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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