This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
