how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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