it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
