I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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