Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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