you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
