What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
