im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
