WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
