How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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