dude i'm inner monologue high
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
