Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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