So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
