dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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